Saturday, September 12, 2009
the holidays came
and they're gonna go very soon
the week's gone in a flash
and i hav NOTHIN to account for it...
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sighs.
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i haven't started on my hw or my FYE revision. JUZ started maths. i'm so fckin screwed up. it's like after the june holidays, i've been in a daze/trance/dream, tat sorta thing. i hav to really really buck up. i'm disappointin those tat care abt me, i'm really behind my classmates in my studies, i dun even remember anythin in the past 9 months, seriously. so wat do i hav to acccount for this life of mine? nothin. no accomplishments, while others r gettin scholarships and wat not. no awards, while others hav an artistic or sports background and r acheiving award after award. i'm the anythin but perfect, my character and personality really suck. i'm such a bum. i'm juz wastin my life away. and soon i'm gonna grow up working some low paying job or maybe i'll be jobless. then i'll die alone and unaccomplished and useless and as a person with uncountable empty and unfulfilled wishes/dreams. i really detest my lack of drive. i need a wake up call. and soon.
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some ppl do things their own way. they do wat they want to, how they want to and disregard absolutely anyone's opinion. it's so infuriatin. but who am i to judge right?
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today my mum attended a funeral. it was a colleague's husband's funeral. i pray with all my heart tat he's resting in peace in a better place and tat his loved ones will be well. he was in his mid 50s and has left behind a wife and two sons, one's arnd 2 or 3 yrs old and the other arnd 7 or 8 yrs old. both r so young, so pitiful. they were even playin at the funeral, my mum said they r too young, they dun understand. she said even if one of our parents were to pass on (touchwood), we would not be sobbing durin the whole funeral coz we dun fully understand wat it means to die. but i disagree. if tat were to happen, i'd be devastated and of course i'd understand wat it means to die.
To me death is like an eternal separation, i would nvr see the deceased person again, only in my memories. to be separated from my loved ones and to leave them behind forever would truly be a torture. but if we could meet in heaven, then tat would defintely be somethin anyone would dearly wish for. but no one can tell wat lies ahead , wat lies beyond this dimension, beyond this universe, beyond this life and beyond this world of ours. we can only believe and pray for the best.
Life is so fragile, so short and so very precious. anythin can happen at anytime. anythin can be lost forever at any moment. this colleague's husband was diagnosed with stomach cancer 3 months before his death, he was probably in one of the last stages. but the scary thing was tat, he had recently done a full body check up and he was in the clear. the cancer came so unexpectedly, so suddenly. with this event i realise and ponder on the value of life. but in a few weeks, i'll probably forget abt this incident along with watever reflections i had done. becuz tat's how humans are. they only think abt the present, they only grieve and reflect when the incident happens, but forget their resolve and pacts as the days go by. well, most humans are like tat, not all.
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gdbye.
Labels: life is fragile and short and i'm wastin it
2:21 AM
