Monday, September 28, 2009
F1=AWESOMEST=CRAZIEST=LOUDEST=FUNNEST=BESTEST TIME I EVER HAD!
today manda and me went to the F1 race day. obviously it's freakin awesome. lol. we were late but who cares. then we didn't sit at our sits long coz we went to walk walk=) we missed practically the whole race coz we went to look for ted. though it feels disappointin and like it's a waste of tickets, i wouldn't want today to be any other way.=] coz i REALLYREALLYREALLY enjoyed myself and well...let's juz say the experience was more than i expected. haha. anyway. saw ted's family, who r like awesome and friendly and nice and fun! haha ted's juz like his dad. they act similar and even dress similar. i feel so guilty. i made manda angry. and i made her miss the race coz of my selfishness. i'm really sorry ammy=( i said i'm gonna make it up to her somehow. i was tellin her tat i would rather come here with my frens and enjoy the experience, rather than sit in a chair and watch 61 laps of the same thing. the only thing i regret is not being able to c the car crash! coz from my seat i can actually c it. but there's nothin i can do abt it now. then walked around with ammy and ted and then we left like at 10 plus comin to 11. super late. and i haven't even studied. yet again. sighs.
today was also the P3's first holy communion! they were all so damn cute!!!!! like brides and grooms. and the decor in the canteen had hearts so i was sayin it was like valentine's or some match-makin session. lol. i ate lunch at siglap macs b4 the event with ammy, petrina, dylan, earl and louise. saw some other church ppl there. haha shall not elaborate=)
Labels: today is just the best day i've had in a long long time
12:55 AM
Thursday, September 17, 2009
things hav happened.
secrets hav been told.
the airport trip yesterday was meaningful
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they hav parted. it's shocking and extremely heartbreakin. it still seems so surreal, i guess the fact of the break up hasn't sunk in yet. now all i hope for is tat she'll be ok. tat he'll be ok. tat they'll be able to carry on with their lives.
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F. , juz know tat we're here for u. i know u know tat. the past few days hav been the worst days ever, and it was really heart breaking to c u like tat. but everythin'll get better in time and we'll be with u every step of the way. look at wat i wrote in tat poem, it's from my heart and it'll help u. like we said, u can miss him, support him and wait for him, but u must try to reduce it. like wat u're doin now. coz the circle of life nvr stops spinning and though bad things hav happened, life must go on. we'll be with u anytime u need comfort. so i juz wish for u to feel better soon and smile again=)
you can cry, you can grieve. but all in all, you must live.
to the other F. , i had no idea u had gone through tat. my heart really goes out to u. but we've said wat we had to say at the airport so i hope u feel better=)
to I. , i've said wat i hav to say already tat night. i hope u feel better too. though u say u're fine, i can't help but think u're not 100% fine. so yeah. gd luck with ur studies too=]
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this week is packed. i dun hav enough time for anythin. yesterday i was juz so overwhelmed by everythin. so when manda and me were kinda argueing with my parents abt some sensitive stuff, i was like tearing and shaking, coz i was tryin so hard not to cry. i wanted to talk back but decided against it. so later when we talked to my mum again, i was keepin silent most of the time while manda and her talked/argued. coz when i talked, i started tearin even more. so i juz decided to shut up and try and calm myself. then my father came and talked to us, obviously i teared even more. they totally misunderstood us. they thought tat we 'hated' them or somethin coz of the issue we were talkin abt. but we didn't. maybe we sounded like we were angry with them but we truly weren't angry at them. it was probably due to the stress of everythin tat we sounded like tat. then i went to the toilet to bathe and i just broke down. wat was even more stupid was tat i had to like be silent and stuff so tat my parents wouldn't hear me cryin.
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today woke up still feeling down and was down in school too. but eventually the day got better. bugis-ed with ammy, fai, brenda and ernie. brenda was so hilarious man. and today's the first time i went bugis street! it was ok. but really wet. haha.
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i'm still brooding over the same problem again. everytime i want to talk to someone abt it, i eventually decide against it. y? maybe i'm too afraid to open up or maybe coz somethin always happens and it makes me unable to talk to someone or maybe coz i juz dun want to tell anyone. i really dunno. i've been dealing with this problem for ages and ages. at first i'll get so freakin emo abt it, then somethin'll happen tat cheers me up and gets my mind off of it. but then soon after, somethin else will happen and i'll be reminded of the problem all over again. the cycle juz keeps on repeatin.
Labels: broken hearts can be mended and pain heals with time. tat's wat u think.
8:31 PM
Saturday, September 12, 2009
the holidays came
and they're gonna go very soon
the week's gone in a flash
and i hav NOTHIN to account for it...
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sighs.
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i haven't started on my hw or my FYE revision. JUZ started maths. i'm so fckin screwed up. it's like after the june holidays, i've been in a daze/trance/dream, tat sorta thing. i hav to really really buck up. i'm disappointin those tat care abt me, i'm really behind my classmates in my studies, i dun even remember anythin in the past 9 months, seriously. so wat do i hav to acccount for this life of mine? nothin. no accomplishments, while others r gettin scholarships and wat not. no awards, while others hav an artistic or sports background and r acheiving award after award. i'm the anythin but perfect, my character and personality really suck. i'm such a bum. i'm juz wastin my life away. and soon i'm gonna grow up working some low paying job or maybe i'll be jobless. then i'll die alone and unaccomplished and useless and as a person with uncountable empty and unfulfilled wishes/dreams. i really detest my lack of drive. i need a wake up call. and soon.
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some ppl do things their own way. they do wat they want to, how they want to and disregard absolutely anyone's opinion. it's so infuriatin. but who am i to judge right?
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today my mum attended a funeral. it was a colleague's husband's funeral. i pray with all my heart tat he's resting in peace in a better place and tat his loved ones will be well. he was in his mid 50s and has left behind a wife and two sons, one's arnd 2 or 3 yrs old and the other arnd 7 or 8 yrs old. both r so young, so pitiful. they were even playin at the funeral, my mum said they r too young, they dun understand. she said even if one of our parents were to pass on (touchwood), we would not be sobbing durin the whole funeral coz we dun fully understand wat it means to die. but i disagree. if tat were to happen, i'd be devastated and of course i'd understand wat it means to die.
To me death is like an eternal separation, i would nvr see the deceased person again, only in my memories. to be separated from my loved ones and to leave them behind forever would truly be a torture. but if we could meet in heaven, then tat would defintely be somethin anyone would dearly wish for. but no one can tell wat lies ahead , wat lies beyond this dimension, beyond this universe, beyond this life and beyond this world of ours. we can only believe and pray for the best.
Life is so fragile, so short and so very precious. anythin can happen at anytime. anythin can be lost forever at any moment. this colleague's husband was diagnosed with stomach cancer 3 months before his death, he was probably in one of the last stages. but the scary thing was tat, he had recently done a full body check up and he was in the clear. the cancer came so unexpectedly, so suddenly. with this event i realise and ponder on the value of life. but in a few weeks, i'll probably forget abt this incident along with watever reflections i had done. becuz tat's how humans are. they only think abt the present, they only grieve and reflect when the incident happens, but forget their resolve and pacts as the days go by. well, most humans are like tat, not all.
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gdbye.
Labels: life is fragile and short and i'm wastin it
2:21 AM
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAPPYTEACHERSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TO ALL THE AWESOME PPL WHO TAUGHT US AND MADE US WHO WE R TODAY, THANK U, WE LUV U AND WE WISH U A HAPPYTEACHERSDAY!
the bad thing abt living in public estates is tat u can ALWAYS hear wat ur neighbours r talkin abt...
like right now.
my neighbour, a mother, is SHOUTIN at i think her son. the WHOLE time tat i hav lived in kembangan, frm like 4 or 5 yrs old till NOW, i always hear tat family arguin...last time was like everyday, then it grew lesser, but dunno y they hav recently started arguin more and more! urgh! sometimes it's really disturbin. the mum was like screamin at the top of her lungs, telling the son to get out of the house. and the son like shouted damn loudly back at her. wow. coz this is like one of the 1st few times i've heard him talk back to the mum. last time when the mum scolds the family and children, i nvr hear any talk back. but this time the son was like seriously shoutin...and the son's like i think 20? or younger or older. i dun really know. lol. anyway. then i went to the dinning room, where my dad is, and just looked at him...then he obviously knew wat i was thinkin abt then he tell me go and bathe and stuff. then i ask him y the mum always scoldin the kids then he said coz she stays at home so she's very stressed.....ok. and now my dad on the some music but i can still HEAR them shoutin. tat family must really hav issues man.
anyway.
sunday went to ikea with ammy, my mum and my lil bro. went to GIANT first to get groceries and then went ikea and ate MEATBALLS and CHICKEN WINGS! haha. yumyum! then we came home and our dad was kinda angry at us=( but now it's ok=)
yesterday was awesome! the school celebration was...sucky. haha. so sad lah! my class band was supposed to perform for teachers' day but we were taken out coz the string ensemble suddenly requested to perform..and the school cannot turn them down coz they're a cca grp so they hav priorities and they "represent a larger group of students" or tat's wat ms ng said. right. i mean i dun blame ms ng at all. but it's juz unfair. anyway. some performances were gd. especially ms ng's! our FM can bloody hell sing man! but we already knew it since she helped us with our music. her re-written songs really melted my heart! so touching and sweet. especially the line tat was somethin like if only they knew how much they mean to me. so sweet!!!!!! i was like cryin. and fuzz was so shocked. lol. so after tat, went back to pri school. were held back in TK coz of stupid phototakin... so in SACPS met up with christine and alicia! miss them like crazy. saw ms mong and my chi teacher. they're still the same=)
walkin arnd the school was juz so nostalgic. i was like in a daze the whole time. even though i couldn't clearly remember some places, it felt like i've been there b4. it was juz so surreal.
then lunched with ammy and chrissy and alicia at century sq. watched BANDSLAM after tat. total waste of time. well to me lah. there was no plot and a weak storyline. sigh. saw denise at tp mall and le xuan at century sq.! they actually said hi to us. coz usually outside school, schoolmates become like total strangers... they so friendly n nice=) then C and A had to leave=( so sad! seriously felt like cryin. then ammy and me headed to town.walked arnd and then met with tessa and vic coz they were in town too! dropped tessa off at the somerset mrt then the 3 of us walked all the way back to paragon to meet my mum. oh yeah! saw shu rei also. she say hi to us also. so friendly=) then vic left, she was already across the road and like at the other end of taka when her fren called my hp...coz vic got her phone confiscated. smart. so i had to wait for the traffic light to turn green and all i could do was watch helplessly as vic went further and further away. so i had to RUN across ngee ann city and chased after her. i was like so out of breath... then she kept apologizin and was so embarassed. haha so cute.
then met my mum and my dad picked us up and we picked my bro up THEN we went home.
today woke up super late. then went to the hair salon to trim our hair. ming is so nice and friendly=) oh yeah forgot to say, he's our hair stylist! haha and he's quite young. in his 20s? i think. haha i said to manda tat if he was younger i would definitely like him. hah. but it's true! he's very stylish. funny, friendly, sweet, 'easy-to-get-along-with' and likeable=) then took our IC photos(finally!) and met up with family at paragon's sushi tei. the food was quite gd and then we walked arnd a bit and went home.
i really miss my pri school!!!! so happy tat we could just pick up where we left of with our pri school frens=) not like ppl who dun keep in contact with their pri school frens...tat's actually very sad=(
we talked to tat person tat day for advice. tat person really explained to us wat and wat not to do and we talked abt some ppl and stuff. how they've changed and how they're different. then we juz talked crap. lol. but i still feel troubled. y r they like tat? y r they being influenced and thus changin? for the worst. i really wish they would go back to how they used to be. coz the ppl they r now is just a real...problem.
gdbye.
Labels: u hav got to change before it's too late
11:19 PM
