Tuesday, June 30, 2009
school has started
-
wat a bore
i'm so damn tired
still haven't adjusted my timing back yet
on sunday night i slept at like
4am plus...
but surprisingly
i woke up at 6.10am!!!
i think i was scared tat i would be late
so i heard my alarm then i quickly jumped out of bed
literally.
i woke manda up then she was like "it's only 6.10..."
then she go back to sleep...-_-"wth
then after i bathed, she was STILL SLEEPIN
i was so irritated
she almost made me late
but anyway
6.10am is super early on my watch
coz i always wake up at like 6.30am on school days lol
so happy tat for once i was on time on my first day of school
haha coz i was late the first day of school this year
but then last night i slept very late again
like 3am plus
so yesterday and today i was freakin tired
slept as much as i could durin class. haha
slept almost the whole of chinese too
there are 2 very lucky girls i know
they are FAUSTINA and TEN.
because they went to H1N1 affected countries
they got leave of absence
haiz.
so unfair
they go on holiday then they get EXTENDED holiday
so manda and me met with fuzz yesterday
haha lunched with her family and tania
i swear. her family is so fun! it's like they're very open with each other and stuff
but it was amusin when they talked in indonesian language and stuff
coz manda and me were the only 2 tat didn't understand
so tania was our personal translator
lolz
so we ate at this new chinese restaurant at pp's basement
the one very close to subway and mini toons
the food is super delicious!
must try it=)
then immie came when we were almost finishin lunch
so fuzz made us go and fetch him with her-.-'
but he didn't come into the restaurant
so he waited somewhere while we finished up our food
then fuzz's family left to do their own stuff
and me, manda, fuzz, immie and tania went to subway and get hair accessories
tania left early
laughed a hell lot at subway
when the four of us r together
it becomes catastrophic...
then met with fuzz's family and said goodbye
oh and fuzz's father gave immie this very firm and hard handshake
haha it's like so funny
cause manda and me were like sayin he was seein if immie was gd for fuzz or not
or somethin like tat
so then cabbed back to kembangan with manda and immie
and tat was our first day of school
pretty sweet huh.
then today met fuzz AGAIN. with manda and amira
met at taka.
wth right. so super far from school
but we had a lot of fun=)
she was with her family again
then she left with us to eat lunch
couldn't decide wat to eat
took a million years to choose macs over kfc
haha tat's the problem when they're opposite each other
oh yeah
on the train to orchard
we saw victoria! from 3e4.
so coincidental tat she was in the same train, in the same carriage at the same time
wat r the odds?
so after we ate, walked around
and then fuzz had to go to paragon
visited my mum's shop on the top floor
though my mum wasn't there coz she's on her business trip
miss her=(
then had to go home coz it was late
but b4 tat we accompanied fuzz to starbucks
and manda and fuzz made a fool of themselves
but they didn't realize, so i had to inform them
as usual.
so we met fuzz's family at the entrance
then said bye and left
the 3 of us cabbed back to kembangan
and so now i'm totally broke
so freakin expensive lah
stupid taxi!
but no choice coz had to rush home
coz my dad was angry tat we took so long to come back
anywayz.
not i gtg do my work, which if i might add
is my holiday hw
and so now i've got tons of UNFINSHED and UNTOUCHED work to do
*sighs*
goodbye.
Labels: thanks for your concerns=)
10:17 PM
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
i'm glad i hav a blog
because i can share the things on my blog
which i juz can't tell anyone else
-
i'm crying now
but the worst thing is that
i'm crying so much more inside
my heart feels so twisted
i can't even breathe properly
i feel like i'm gonna throw up
i'm so confused and feel so betrayed
i'm alone now in this room
while everyone has their peace in their own sweet dreams
only i.
i can't sleep
i can't even think abt anythin
i'm juz sittin here and sharing abt my feelings
nobody will know wat i'm actually talkin abt
i don't want them to know
but yet i wish so much for someone i can talk to
to talk abt this
the secret
the betrayal
my emotions
my torn and hurt soul
i feel so disgusted with myself
with my actions
with my behaviour
wat am i to do
whom can i turn to
i've had this kind of feeling a lot this year
actually i've experienced it my whole life
but this year it's so much more severe
this pain is staring at me right in the face now
and i'm facing it alone
today is by far the worst i've felt
my eyes are dry now
for i hav no more tears to shed
i've cried so many times
and pulled through this kind crisis alone so many times
but i don't know
if i'll be able to make it this time
ppl may think it's coz i'm a teen
all teens go through this period of time
when they think that they're at the worst point of their lives
i used to think that way
i was disgusted by the way ppl would say their lives are so much worse off than others
that dying was the best solution to their problem
but now i am the same
i'm so digusted with myself
i'm not sayin that this is the worst point in my life
but it will defintely be one of the worst
i...
i don't know why this is happening
i'm not hurting because of normal issues
not because of friends, family or even love
but because of everything
it may not make sense to ppl
but all of these things
all of my problems are connected
my friends, family, love and even my life
they're all linked by something or someone
and that's why i can't concentrate on anythin
because when i do
i will somehow think abt the problem
then i'm just lead back to the core
the most painful thing in my heart which connects everything
the thing that i just never ever want to face
i can face anything in the world
except this.
i can't come to terms with it
i can't accept it
i should hav listened to the ppl around me
and stopped this problem before it got out of hand
and they were right
it is out of control
i've gone so deep into this
both my mind and my soul
that i'm afraid that i'll never be able to let go
nvr be able to solve this problem
to finally end it
so that i can rest at last
but i don't know when i'll ever be able to get away from it
or rather
if i'll ever be able to.
because i'm not a regular teen
i'm slightly different from others
not in the sense that i take drugs
or do some illegal job
haha. i'd rather die than do anything immoral
it's nothing like that
come to think of it
this difference between me and other ppl
is actually very obvious
but ppl just pass it by
they may notice it
but they nvr ever think abt it
they nvr think that maybe that's partly the reason
for my core problem
the reason why i'm sufferin like this
nobody ever saw it
and nobody ever will
-
what would u do
if u discovered a secret
that hurt u so deeply
you could just die.
that made u feel so betrayed
that made u feel so useless
that made u feel so unwanted
that made u feel so untrustworthy
that made u feel so insignificant
that made u feel so hurt
that made u think abt all ur other problems
because they all related to this secret
this secret would be the thing that ignited the grave sorrow u would feel.
when all ur fears and worries were buried deep in ur heart
and u nvr intended to look at them again
this secret u discovered
just woke all ur fears up
and now u hav to face them all over again
and you keep reproaching urself
you keep scolding urself for how weak u are
so weak that u can't even handle this problem
u keep thinking abt it constantly
hurting urself every single day
and there's no escaping
because this secret is engraved in ur heart
u'll always be aware of it
even if u try to forget
and this secret
will lead to another secret
and another
and yet another
it never stops
then u feel more suffocated than ever
u can't handle it anymore
and the worst thing is that
no one's with u
u're all alone
no one to share ur pain
no one to comfort u
just yourself.
what will u do?
-
Labels: death ALMOST sounds like a sweet escape right about now
4:07 AM
Sunday, June 21, 2009
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL FATHERS OUT THERE!!!!
and
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO JOASH JONATHAN GOH YI LIANG!
my one and only older brother<3 luv ya.
-
ok
haven't posted in a while
a very long while
so i can't really remember wat's happened
losing track of time and my memory is screwed up
i've watched monsters.vs.aliens and GHOSTSOFGIRLFRIENDSPAST
THE 1ST MOVIE WAS RETARDED
THE 2ND MOVIE WAS NICE=) watched it juz now at lido in orchard
then ate at a chinese retaurant with family, excludin my dad cos he's on flight
so weird since it's father's day but my father's missin...
then walked around
then ate ice cream
and went home
so here i am
hav not started on any freakin hw or project or revision
so screwed
only one wk left till my doom
but at least i'll get to c my frens=]
-
i hav no idea but i've been daydreamin so much recently
thinkin and thinkin
wonderin abt stuff
tryin to answer my never-ending list of questions
-
so tired.
so irritated.
so lost.
-
goodnight.
Labels: i hope this will end soon
8:17 PM
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
hello.
-
juz came back from city hall. coz today had the interact day organised by Anderson JC. they're school was ok. the talk by this lady called Ms Elim Chew, the founder of 77th Street, was quite interesting. i think she has a very charismatic personality and is very funny. anywayz. so after tat went to city hall to walk around. at first only manda and me were there. but then we bumped into anne marie, ardilla, kim lee and seok yern juz after we got out of the train. cool!=) so then we juz walked around, and we were lookin for this shop called 'party city'. or somethin like tat. it sold all the stuff u would need for parties. well, mostly kiddy stuff. but then the funniest thing happened. so anne marie bought this round red candy tat looked like gum to me. then she ate it. and after a few seconds she said the sweet was not nice, then she said it was very hot, and i believe her. coz when she walked past me, i could smell the "spicyness". it was horrible. then she ran to the dustbin and spat it out. but it hit the metal sides of the dustbin and it made such a loud noise. i think the sweet was really hard. she was wonderin why the sweet was like so horrible. then we told her to check the wrapper coz maybe there was some kind of name for the sweet. guess wat it said? FIREBALL. wahahahahah!!!!! we were all laughin like crap. then she said tat she didn't even read the wrapper. lol. so yeah. it's the best gift to give an enemy or juz to play a prank on someone.
on monday night, manda, my younger bro and i went to walk with my cousin and her dog to cheers at the mrt. it was like 10+pm. after tat, i didn't want to go home so we stopped by at the basketball court. i was holdin the dog and the minute we walked to the middle of the court, the lights switched off-_-'lol. then manda was like sayin i so unlucky and stuff, tat's why it went off. then i turned to the dog and asked wat he did. haah. retarded. anywayz. i think it was juz coz it was very late. i persuaded them to come sit down and so we sat. right in the middle of the bb court. beside it were the big open field, the kembangan cc, the jogging track and finally the road. it was so nice. coz it was dark and it soon became breezy. and we juz did some cloud gazing. haha. coz there weren't many stars. we saw clouds tat looked like dragons, a bird, a scary face, an old man with a large beard laughing, a rabbit, some creature with wings. and erm. can't remember already. too many things. my younger bro said i 'saw' the most number of things coz i hav the most imagination. haha. maybe. but also probably coz i do it often. i juz stare at the clouds and picture stuff. so yeah....very fun and super relaxing.
-
ok
gtg
bathe
now
goodbye.
Labels: relaxation is the key to imagination
2:38 PM
Monday, June 8, 2009
ok
been a while since my last post
i hav no idea why. but i can't really remember the things tat happened recently
so, to sum everything up the past few weeks:
-watched NightAtTheMuseum2 with ammy and fuzzy. we snuck in macs. and manda and me carelessly dropped 2 packets of fries. retarded i know.
-ten left for thailand. fuzzy left for bali. IMISSTHEMSOFREAKINMUCH! we also went out with immie and fuzz a couple of times=)
-went out with the clique.
-erm...did super badly for MYEs.
-had TPC. really bad. criticism most of the them. haiz.
-went SIA sports club a few times. still aching like crap from yesterday. played badminton and swam quite a bit. then ate at the ASTON'S retaurant there=] and played pool! wooh!
-now matt's playground frens r in the house and want 2 use the comp.
so
goodbye.
Labels: my life is so screwed
7:23 PM
